Is it true that the person who cares the least in a relationship, controls the relationship?
August 12th, 2010This is a very difficult relationship, obsessive in character from one person’s side. It is also difficult for the other person, who is not so infatuated. If he/she likes the other person but is not in love, the imbalance and the moral struggle to not yield to the temptation to abuse is very taxing.
Typically, the person who is not so deep in love has more control over his/her rational thinking and can better look after own interests. This can go on as long as the person deeply infatuated doesn’t wake up and see things as people around see it. Quite often this deep infatuation or unrequited love, which did not find satisfaction, turns to hatred. We cannot force another person to fall in love neither can we talk them into it.
There is another possibility for not turning unrequited love into hate but converting it into a mature friendship or relationship. This is through self-reflection and meditation. When the infatuated person sees this condition as a learning experience, the need to hate the other person not equally infatuated disappears. We see the other person as a fellow traveller on the road of life.
There is a lovely saying by the poet W.H.Auden ““If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me”. This shift of attitude helps the infatuated one overcome the constant “Me, me, what do I get out of this?” and obsessive concern of the infatuated. This is the higher and spiritual teaching in basically all religious traditions.
